Saturday, 30 June 2018
My after-school students, Depression and Dubai. Enjoy!
Have you ever had that feeling that something is about to happen but you don't know what? I have had exciting buzzing in my stomach and l feel nervous ... um! Anyway life has to go on, so what have l been doing you ask?
So this is where l have been working for the last weeks. This is how the room looks before the children arrive and for a few moments... very quiet.
I also made play dough again, this week. The children LOVE it!
Mainly l have been sorting out all the children's images etc for going home next week. I only have one more week covering for Pippa's maternity leave. By the way ... she had a baby boy this morning. :) I really am not looking forward to saying "goodbye" to the children next week. I have so enjoyed covering this 6 weeks maternity cover ... but all good things have to end. One of the things l was asked to cover was the topic of pointillism. For the smaller children it was not an easy subject to explain. Painting pictures with dots sounds easy but actually it can be quite intimidating. This is a painting done by one of the older children. This picture show this student definitely got it!
Then there are various interpretations on the theme!
1. an alien on the moon.
A beautiful dog with a collar. An Afghan perhaps?!
This is amazing ... she has grasped it, in her own way! She talked about Aboriginal art ... brilliant .
Interesting .... "bird on a silver birch tree". She felt doing a background would overcome the bird image. I think l agree with her.
This was one of the last sculptures to be painted. I just love this dragon, the shape and the colours. When l asked some of the children if they had painted their sculptures yet ... l got this answer. What are sculptures? So we talked about the clay they had created with and then it was called a sculpture. That's what being an artist means! :) They were very happy to be called an artist!
Not many children paint someone from the back and this young lady is only 4 !
This amazing painting was done by one of the older students in the class. Just love the shading and the texture she has managed to portray, in this painting. I said " Wow ... you should perhaps think about training to be a dress designer" and she beamed at me and said ... " that is what l want to be".
I have been painting flowers with different coloured backgrounds, to show the children the difference it can make to your painting. The children were surprised how different colours could change the mood of the painting. I was very pleased the way they were discussing the paintings. Each painting took me about 8 mins! I really enjoyed painting them, it was a lot of fun.
I have been reading quite a few articles about depression over the last few weeks. Although my new antidepressants are working well, l still get days that l am not good. Every few days or so l wake up in a fowl mood and so it goes on all day. Poor Tony is the one who usually has to put up with it. At least these days l do realise that l am being nasty and pushing all his buttons. I feel that l have a self-destruct button, which on these days l seem to really push to it's full potential. Why do l do this ? I have little self esteem and on these days l seem to have none. I know it is all to do with my childhood but still it is still difficult to deal with. From the age of 10 months, in 1953, l was living in Singapore with my parents.. It was my father's first RAF posting, he was 21 years of age and working as an engineer , flying Sunderland Flying Boats. My father is on the left and the reason they are sitting on a wing, is the plane had just crashed!! They don't look too unhappy do they! :)
When you are told by your mother, almost daily from about the age of two, that you were not wanted and were here only because your father wanted children. The image below is of me with my beloved " nanny" in Singapore, Raymar. They lived there for 3 years before returning to the UK.
My mother told me she never loved me and l was just a nuisance. Only now at the age of 88 and on her own, has my mother told me for the first ever, that she loves me. She can't understand how l feel like l do ... she has told me she loves me NOW. Isn't that enough???? I have only just started to tell my husband what my childhood was like. It is not easy to talk about that time to myself, let alone anyone else.
There has been a lot talked about recently, of people who because of depressed, have commit suicide. Well a few months ago l had suicidal thoughts and almost committed suicide too. I had never thought it would happen to me. If it hadn't been for my amazing husband and my super "active" doctor, l wouldn't be here. I had started to hear voices in my head after my father died and l was having terrible trouble with my mother! She was being her usual bitchy self and everything was aimed at me, not my younger sister or other members of my family. She was telling and writing to people, telling people l was a terrible daughter, that l stopped her friends coming to dad's funeral and so on!!! Anyway l had one voice telling me ... l didn't love my mother and didn't like her, so why worry about her. BUT l am a caring person and so l was naturally making sure my mum was ok and safe. So l had these two voices shouting at me 24/7 ... louder and louder each day. My husband managed to get me to see our doctor, who has known me for at least 15 years. She took one look at me and arrange for me to see a counsellor in 2 days. When you consider there is normally a 6 month waiting list ... l was SO lucky. The counsellor l saw, was able to get me to understand how much l have achieve, even though my mother try to derail me at every turn. I had brought up 2 amazing children, coped with being dyslexic, worked with hundreds of children, been a foster mum , had my own children's Art School and l am still married to the most amazing man!! I began to see that actually l should be proud of myself and what l had achieved. Her advice ... drop your mother. I have done that, much to my mother's amazement, haven't talked or seen her for over 4 months and l have never felt so good. But the strange thing is, although l am quite happy l still walk into the flat and check the answer phone. To begin with l was upset she wasn't phoning me all the time, as usual. Then l become angry, how dare she ignore me and now? I am glad l don't hear her moaning or angry voice any more! :) But l suppose what l am trying to say, is depression can affect anyone at any time. If l had had help when l was a child or a teenager , l wouldn't be having the sort of problems l have now. I wish everyone who is having problems was able to talk to some one but l know that is not possible. My doctor has told me l need more help .. you think! ... but l am not eligible to have any more help, as l have had my 5 free sessions!!!! So l am reading a lot about my problems and trying to help myself. I find Mindfulness helps a lot. I will let you know if read any interesting article or get some good advice. On to more interesting and happier topics!!
My family travels
While living in Dubai, we often went to one of our beautiful beaches. We were very lucky, to get involved in pulling in a fishing net. I took the images but my son aged 7, actually got physically involved in pulling the fishing net! He was so proud of himself and smiled all day! :)
When l was doing my Art degree in Wimbledon School of Art , l started this topic. I stood in the same place, opposite a bus stop, for an hour, every day for a year. I pointed the camera, which was on a tripod, at people and only pressed the shutter when they actually stared back at me. For the whole year no-one actually asked me to stop. In fact some people tried all sorts of things to get me to take their picture! No-body complained but many people asked me what l was doing. They didn't ask me to stop, just seemed interested. Even the police spoked to me!! l had not realise that Lloyds Bank was on the other side of the road and could be seen through the bus stop window. They wanted to know if a was an undercover policewoman? :) When l said "No" They asked if l had photography children ? I explained no and they wanted too see my images. They were fascinated and looked forward to the end project. When l started to show my tutors, they were not impressed. I found collage hard as l had no real education and l am dyslexic. Also it was a new course and my tutors were a lot younger than me. They seemed to find it hard to deal with an older student. But l got my degree ... so STOP moaning Lynda. :) I have not decided what to do with this project yet but l feel it is yelling at me and so l must do something. Here are just a few of them.
This last image always makes me smile. While i was taking the image, the smiled at me and then stuck her tongue out, at me!! Happy memories.
Just to make you smile !
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